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Without Bacon or FLG Sauce

When I feel like going out to eat, I usually choose a nice, modest and affordable sit down and serve me restaurant. I rarely frequent fast food establishments. Not because what they serve is toxic and lethal, even though it is, but I'm usually disappointed in the service and the product is less than what it appears in television commercials. However, sometimes, I am pressed for time and cave and resort to consuming fast food fare.

Point in fact: McDonald's used to be my "go-to" place. I ate there for years (30-40 years). In the last decade I've gone there less and less. Again, mostly because of all the studies pointing out how unhealthy the food is in many of these places. The incident that swore me off this company was about two years ago after a hellishly long day at work. I hadn't eaten dinner and wanted something in my stomach before I made that drive home. I went through the drive through, ordered a standard plain old cheeseburger. Really. Who could mess up a Cheeseburger? I drove away and fished the sandwich out of the bag and took a bite. As I pulled the bite away from the sandwich bridging the sandwich in my hand to the bite in my mouth was a foot long hair . Well, that ended that appetite. Yes, I spat the bite out the window. The remaining burger immediately followed it. Thus ended the long romance (forever) with this establishment. It doesn't always take 3 strikes before you are out with me.

Another establishments that has hit my "no go" list: Wendy's. The last 3 visits have been less than acceptable. On all 3 occasions the food servers have gotten the order wrong. On the last visit the employees were more interested in playing around in the kitchen than serving customers. This establishment used to be much better when Dave was alive. It is a franchisee like most of these chains but you would think HQ would be on these people with surprise inspections, etc.

Two new (not new as in businesses, but as in I may never eat there again) restaurants may be added to this list shortly, KFC and Sonic.

Yesterday, it was mid-day and my tumbly was a grumbly. I was near Philadelphia Mills (formerly Franklin Mills). There are several fast food joints there (Burger King, Taco Bell, McD's, Dunkin Donuts, etc.) I chose KFC. I pulled up to the box with the hard to read list of choices. The speaker had a sign on it stating that it was broken and to pull up to the window. I was surprised when a voice offered to take my order. Okay. It works for me. I ordered the $5 box thing that the horrible, creepy rendition of Colonel Sanders has been hawking on the TV. I chose the 3 piece tenders. The sign stated that you got 3 pieces of boneless chicken (with dipping sauce), mashed potatoes with gravy, a biscuit, a cookie and a drink. The young man inquired what drink I wanted. I told him. He then asked what side I wanted. Well, if the sign had not dictated that taters came with it, I would have said taters and gravy. But also, if the customer doesn't initiate a substitution request, shouldn't you assume they read the board and have concurred with the offering of mashed with gravy? Anyway. I told him the mash. Then he asks for what I wanted to drink again. It was clear he was not fully involved with this conversation. I repeated my choice. Now. I paid and picked up the order. I gave the bag the obligatory cursory look and drove on. My error. I should have inventoried the back thoroughly. I fucked up. I trusted someone. Dumbass that I am. I had traveled to another part of the parking lot away from KFC to wolf down my "bad for your health" lunch prior to inspecting my lunch. The board stated that you got the tenders, taters, cookie, drink and KFC's special FLG sauce to dip your tenders in. Well! There was no @#$#%& sauce. Faaaaaaaahhhhk! I refused to waste time and effort to go back and ream out a bunch of minimum wagers. As both my girlfriend and my late sister would have asked, "What's the point?" They are both so right sometimes. Strike One, KFC.


Today, I ran out this morning for my quarterly haircut. I got done with that and decided it was time for lunch. After being beaten over the head with the Sonic TV commercials about their Hot Dogs, I decided I'd give them a try. It had been a while since I've Sonic-ed. I ordered the Original Croissant dog with mustard and the Bacon Double Cheddar Cheese Croissant dog, a soft drink and a bottle of water. The young lady repeated the order leaving out the Original dog. I corrected her to what the order was. She repeated it again getting it correct this time. (She kept referring to the Bacon Double Cheddar dog as the Double Bacon Cheddar dog. Wait until the end you'll find the humor in it.) When the food arrived I paid for it and gave a $2 tip, which I believe is fair on a $10 order. I ate the Original dog first. It was everything I expected. I bit into the Bacon Double Cheddar dog and found a distinct taste of NO BACON. I pulled the bun open and peaked under neath the tons of cheese (Double Cheddar. This was a good thing.) and I found...NO BACON. I paid for BACON. Where's my Mother F@#$% BACON. Of course, when you need a car hop one is never around. I gave up the ghost on this one. I had places to be, things to do, missing bacon was not going to keep me from them. I finished and left.

The light at the end of the tunnel is both establishments wanted my opinion on my experience via the receipt and a website or phone number. Boy are they going to get an earful.

Now, many of you have had this happen to you. And one common thread I've noticed is that the servers and preparers of this fare are relatively young. Maybe it's their first job. Maybe management just half-assed their training. I believe with a little extra training and a little more emphasis on QC these problems will be nipped in the proverbial bud. I won't emphasize the employees' ethnicity, social or fiscal status. I believe it is irrelevant. I believe it's plain old reckless youthism. On that note, another thought crossed my mind. A more scarier thought than culinary taste bud deprivation.

What if? And I really mean WHAT IF?? this is not an infrequent fluke or stroke of unfortunate bad luck and timing on my part? What if this is what the future will be. A world of cut corners, lack of follow through, carelessness and Whatevers?? These individuals some day will be taking over the world as the older generation turns to dust and the generation behind them age into non-existence leaving my generation toddling around in a fog and haze of old 60s music hoping someone responsible is at the helm steering the Ship America through the International Sea of WTF and shit-storms. These are the people who we will entrust our very existence and to carry on the American Way. Are we totally and completely fucked???

FDR and JFK were probably the two youngest presidents in our time. Each had an edginess that brought them to the top of the cesspool that is American Politics. FDR had the New Deal. JFK had the New Frontier. Whatever these youngsters-hipsters are going to call it one thing is for sure whether it's the New Big Whoop Deal or a Hip-hop Frontier, you better be prepared to get it served without goddam Bacon or FLG sauce.




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