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Entitlement or Optimism

There is an expression that has plagued me for ages. Every time I hear it my head figuratively explodes. I fear that one day it may literally do so.

“I’m a cup half full kind of person.”

Oh, kiss my ass. That has got to be the stupidest expression anyone has ever uttered aloud. A cup half full is a cup half empty. Numbers do not lie. ½ + ½ = 1 whole. How has some two-bit, dime-store, Sears & Roebuck licensed half-wit pseudo psychiatrist’s psychobabble been construed to mean anything remotely related to Optimism versus Pessimism?  Faaaaaaaaque!!!


The half full cup concept speaks of entitlement not optimism.

Let’s say you walk into a bar, sit down and order a beer. When the mug arrives and it’s filled almost to the top. Most would say that the mug is only half full. In other cultures they would say that it is a full mug. You need to leave room for the liquid to breathe, leave space for hope and desire, blah, blah, blah, etc.

As Americans we have grown accustomed to oversized portions. Our dinner plates are overflowing. So much so that you can’t see the pattern on the plate. Yet, In a French restaurant the entire meal barely covers the center of the plate. Where the French concern themselves with quality; we Americans focus on quantity. We see this by the numerous buffet styled restaurants in the U.S. We expect to fill the entire space no matter what it is. How do I know this? We needed to pass laws to zone land preservation. If we did not, fat-cat real estate moguls would build until there was no open land left. Urban sprawl would stretch from Washington, DC to Spokane, Washington.  We feel entitled to do what we want to make the most profit, to make us feel good about ourselves, to blend into society as dictated to us by the television talking heads, trend setters and commercials.  Whatever.

Think of the half cup conundrum this way.

I’m drinking. The liquid in my cup's status is midway between the rim and the bottom. I’m optimistic. I know when I finish this glass; I’ll get another. Now, let’s say it’s last call. Same scenario. I’m not so optimistic. I’m concerned that I’m not going to finish in time to get that last drink...or to pick up the last drunk chick in the bar.  State of mind (or state of inebriation) designates optimism or pessimism. Not some level of fucking liquid in a dirty, germ-ridden glass metaphor.

If you feel a need to use a metaphorical analogy for the optimism-pessimism argument, use the “Silver lining” metaphor. You look up in the sky and see gray clouds. A pessimist would think, it’s going to rain. I can’t work or play outside. My plans are ruined. An optimist would see the “silver lining" in the gray clouds and think, the rain will water the plants. The plants will bloom and bring us beauty and oxygen and life. I love dancing in the rain.

Personally, I think the optimist is an asshole too busy being a dreaming, pot smoking idiot, but to each his own.

The next time you feel the urge to tell people how optimistic you are, tell them that you are a deliriously doped-up hippy. You may get strange looks. People may not understand what you are talking about. But anything would be better than being a half full glass of happy piss.

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