"A May-December Romance?"

Every now and again a phrase pops into my head for no reason whatsoever. However, this phrase popped into my head yesterday when a young woman, (who I just adore) who works at my company turned 34. Just last week another had turned 30. I am surrounded by thirtyish women. I got to thinking that when I was their age they were mere children. The realization that I am old enough to be their father was somewhat disheartening.

Then I got to thinking a man my age could get involved with a woman their age. It's happened. Just look at the pictures posted here. I know. I'm not Nick Cage or Michael Douglas. But concerning me some people might call it creepy. Most would call it a wild-assed dream. Others, laughable and or a delirium caused by a prescription drug side effect. Most likely, if any thirtyish woman would be interested in me, it would be that they have a daddy complex or are desperate and/or crazy. Which is the way I like them anyway. But those who could get pass their gag reflex might deem it a May-December romance.

I got to thinking about that phrase. I turned it over in my mind. I could have gone online and researched how the term was created, but I'm not really interested. Who cares really? It was probably coined by someone who thought once you have reached fifty years old that romance was as good as dead. I say dead because if we were to equate a lifetime to a 12-month calendar, December would be near dead and May would be in the prime of one's life. Being a math person I base many decisions on logic. That is, when my little brain is not overruling the big brain, I have created a table to illustrate my opinion. See below.

According to Wikipedia, average life expectancy for women is 81 and for men it is 76. It's possible that women drive men to want to die sooner. I'm just saying... I chose 84 years as the average life span because that number is divisible by 12 and really not far from truth.

Month	Life Span (in years)
January	0 - 7
February	8 - 14
March	15 - 21
April	22 - 28
May	29 - 35
June	36 - 42
July	43 - 49
August	50 - 56
September	57 - 63
October	64 - 70
November	71 - 77
December	78 - 84

Based on my table, a May-December relationship would be a relationship between a young person in the flower of youth and an octogenarian. Now THAT would be creepy. So, a relationship between a thirty something and a fifty something would be closer to a May-August or May-September. As I am closer to 57 than 56, I'm more of a September. 

September.  Summer is waning. The weather is sometimes summery, sometimes dreary. The leaves are just beginning to turn on the tree. Yet, there's still virility in the tree. The branches are still long and strong. Strong enough that you could hang from it. The sap just doesn't run in the winter. It runs year round. Hmm...I have a sudden hankering for some pancakes. What were talking about? Oh, yeah. 

So ladies, watch out! This Tomcat is on the prowl. Meee-owww! The next time someone refers to a younger man or woman who is involved with an older man or woman as a May-December thing; feel free to correct them and show them my table. Unless they're talking about this guy!