Pet Peeves: Words, Part I

FYI: This is my 100th Blog.

As the title states, I am peeved. The English language is tricky and delicate and just plain confusing at times. For instance, there, they're and their sound similar but have different meanings. It irks me when I read "Your an idiot.", when clearly the idiot writing the comment meant "You're an idiot." Of course, one of two words that leaves my mouth agape and my eyes rolling back into my head (figuratively, more on this at the bottom of the page) is "irregardless" and "literally."

Irregardless, despite what the unenlightened and Merriam-Webster's dictionary proclaim, is not a "real' word. It's idiocy at an advanced level. Let's walk through the parts of that word.

First, regard has many definitions but generally is used to describe "the worth or estimation in which something or someone is held" or "esteem." [Merriam-Webster.com]

Second, less is defined as "without." Regardless = Without regard.

Lastly. ir- is used much like in- and il- to mean Not or Non. Illogical, Inconceivable, Irregular, which mean NOT logical, NOT conceivable and NOT regular, respectively, not irrespectively, (as irrespectively is usually followed with "of"). However, irrespectively would not be correctly used here anyway.

The prefix ir- (i-r) is a negative prefix, so if you add the prefix ir to a word that's already negative like regardless, you're making a double-negative word that literally means “without without regard.”[Mignon Fogarty, Grammar Girl] Oh, Mignon. (If I was handsome, intelligent and a college professor and you were crazy and desperate, I would so date you.) Seriously, you should check out Grammar Girl if you want the scoop on correct and proper use of grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. She's one smart gal. Me? Not so much. Just snarky and opinionated.

Ir- was developed because to say, "I went to the Gap Outlet store and bought a pair of regularless jeans," sounds ridiculous. However, stating, "Since using MiraLAX, I'm no longer irregular," would be correct and at the same time very relieving, because we have enough people full of shite in this country. [Also, I own up to the words I use that I know don't exist, because I'm trying to be sensitive to people who don't like foul language, like my girlfriend, who as far as I know, has never read any of my blogs. Hmmm...curious. So, Futz off, Haters!!]

So, to say, "I'm lactose intolerant but I'm going to eat that bowl of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream irregardless of the consequence," is nonsense. What the speaker is saying is they're (not there or their) going to eat ice cream not without regard or without without regard to a case of explosive farts and diarrhea, when they really meant without regard - regardless. It would have been better to say, "I'm going to eat this ice cream, fart so loud and clear this room from my gaseous emission." It would have been more accurate as well as confirming that you would be left off the invitation list for your niece's seventh birthday party next year. Of course, it would have been best and correct to have said regardless instead of confusing everybody and leaving no one enough time to don gas masks.

Unfortunately, for nearly a century or so, people have been using irregardless to mean regardless for so long, that M-W, American Heritage and Dictionary.com, to name the most used sources, have given it their (not there or they're) blessing and define it as, "Regardless." What the Futz?!?!? I note that they list it as [Nonstandard]. (How about listing it as [Not a Futzing real word].)

Nothing sells stupid quicker than sounding stupid. I have always stated that people who use the expression "in essence" are stupid people trying to appear educated. Again, the brilliant minds that publish dictionaries gave this hackneyed blurb a definition. Bottom line, it is a person of limited vocabulary's "go-to" phrase. Literally! Oh, yes. Literally.

This was my sister's pet peeve word. She no longer needs words. She's now a polar bear. We hope. And not stuck in heaven with our parents. <Shudder>

For years, people have been using literally when they mean figuratively. I enjoy the thought that when some mentally challenged buffoon regales us with a story and the grand finale is "and it literally blew my mind." At that point, I sit and wait and watch and hope that I see grayish or reddish liquefied goo seeping out of their ears. I'm always left disappointed. Again, instead of stating that it's being incorrectly used, M-W's definition: 2 in effect : virtually —used in an exaggerated way to emphasize a statement or description that is not literally true or possible.

I cry, Bullspit! Stop bastardizing the English language. We have the Brits to do that for us. (I blame them for everything English.) I'm not Anglophobic. Not an Anglophile either. I just like to point fingers at defenseless cultures. And not Irdefenseless. Now, I AM just being snarky.

Well, I have literally ran out of steam. I mean it. I'm ironing while I dictate this to my laptop. Or did I see that in a commercial. Whatev's. (Is that still an expression?) I am so out of it. Anyway, stay tuned for my next blog: Important Lists, Part I. Until then, TTFN.