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Coronavirus, Part II

Has everyone been good? Washing your hands and keeping your hands away from your face? When they say, "Don't touch your face!" that's the first thing I do. I don't know why, but we all do it. Hopefully, we are all staying healthy and well and get to work from home. I'm healthy in respect to my pulmonary system, anyway.

Now to assist in the timing of your hand-washing, there are songs better suited than singing Happy Birthday to You...twice. Personally, I'm using the Beatles song "Her Majesty" that clocks in just under 30 seconds. It's a nice song and reminds me several times a day how much I lust for Queen Elizabeth II.


Being quarantined for two or more weeks could present problems. For instance, cabin fever. You get too many people stuck in a small space and boom. Ya got trouble. Even if your house has 4,000+ square feet of livable space, it will seem smaller after awhile. You'll feel the walls closing in on you. And it won't take 2 weeks to get you there. You'll be at each other's throats in no time.

I foresee a rise in 911 calls for domestic discord and battery. The police will be smart and just not show up. I also see the flip side of that coin. I'm calling it now before the talking wigs on TV do. Mark it! 40 weeks from now around Christmas, there's going to be a surge of baby deliveries. A baby boom of sorts. I'm calling them:

The Coronavirus Babies 


Yes, not a pretty name, but it is what it is. Let's face it. Have you seen daytime TV? Good golly. Even Ellen is only on for an hour a day. Same goes for Rachel Ray. You need to fill that time up with something. Daytime games shows and General Hospital are the worse. You just want to reach through your 70" flat screen and throttle some of those dumbass contestants. And if you can get the kids, if you already have a few, busy with some project, you need to do something. Right? No one working from home is totally engaged with work.  ALL DAY? Look at me. I'm blogging right now. Shh! Don't tell the boss! And what's more fun than a little slap and tickle? I know re-watching the 9 film mega-franchise of Star Wars is at the top of many of your to-do lists, but really? After the original trilogy, all the others have paled. I know. I'm a blasphemer.

I decided to not be so heavy with this current catastrophe and failure of humans in high places. I thought I'd keep it light in the hopes to bring on a few smiles.

Some good things:

Not all restaurants are closed. Some are offering curbside pick-up. You phone in your order and pay with a credit card. You arrive at the restaurant. The servers run out like NASCAR pit crews but in hazmat suits and set the packaged food in front of your car. They run back into the safe haven of the restaurant. You in your hazmat suit get out of your car and dash to the front of your car. Snatch up the order and jump back into your car. Your significant other looks over the order and exclaims, "Awww...they forgot the goddamn egg rolls!!" Or something like that. BUT...You still get out and you can sort of live for the moment like you're in a post-apocalyptic action film like Mad Max: Fury Road or Waterworld. But whatever you do, don't watch either of those films. You'll regret it. It'll be 3-4 hours you'll never get back in your life. And I found I needed to pee several times during Waterworld. Wonder why?

Amazon.com, Walmart.com and Target.com are all open. Shop online like there's no tomorrow, because that may be true. But I promised to keep this light. The sun will come out tomorrow. Tomorrow. You can spend your last dollar to-mor-row! OK. I've gotten silly. And I've only been cooped up here for nearly three weeks. Well, that's not because of the virus. I could barely walk most of those three weeks. I injured my left knee. I know I could go on about my knee, but I won't. Maybe next time.

Things to do while imprisoned with your loved ones.

  • Put on noise canceling headphones and read a book
  • Put on noise canceling headphones and listen to music while you read that book
  • Put on noise canceling headphones and try to figure out what your kids are saying to you while you smile and shake your head, Yes.
  • Take off your noise canceling headphones and investigate why there's a large plume of black smoke emitting from your kitchen and the smoke alarm is going off and the fire department is at your front door.
  • Find a nice quiet board game and play with your kids. After all, you made them. Parent Up!
This will be over soon and we all can go back to our normal lives. CBS was so desperate Sunday to air sports it replayed a 2015 College Championship basketball game. I did not watch. I completed my binge watch of 30 Rock. Now I'm back to binge watching Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. In the middle of the second season. I know exciting isn't it. Well, it beats being sick with the Coronavirus. Sorry to those of you who are reading this and are sick with the Corona. And I don't mean the virus, I mean the hangover from drinking too many Coronas. I may have told some people to protect themselves from the Coronavirus is to drink many Corona Cerverzas. Thus, the hangover. Now that is a good movie the whole family...can't watch together. Never mind.

I'll leave you for now. I'm now officially going off work. I know. I have it easy. Some days I do. But like Norm from Cheers once said, "It's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing Milk-bone underwear." Most days are like that for me. So, let's all try to take the good with the bad and try to find some good in with the bad and live on. Until next time, TTFN.


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