30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 15 - Bullet-point to the Head

At the halfway point of this experiment and challenge and I'm still hanging tough.  Today's assignment: Day 15 - "Bullet-point your whole day".  Sit back, relax and prepare to be wowed by the typical day in the life of this accountant.

• Wake up
• Go to work
• Suck
• Suck
• Suck
• Lunch
• Suck
• Suck some more
• Go home

OK.  It's a little more involved than that. Let's start over.

• 5 a.m. - Get up to pee.  It's what middle-aged men do, sometimes several times a night, but definitely when the first rays of morning has invaded through the bedroom window.
• 5:02 a.m. - Go back to bed. Hell, I am not getting up any sooner than need be to go to that life zapping, soul sucking hellhole.  (I hear some of you. If you hate it so much, get a better job somewhere else.  Three reasons I don't:  1) There aren't any, 2) There aren't any and 3) Oh, yeah, there aren't any.)
• Somewhere between 6 a.m. and 7 a.m., cat strolls in and starts howling as if someone just set his tail afire. (He wants to be fed.  Now, he has food. Dry kibble.  King of the Neutered has had his night's fill of kibble. He wants his daytime nummy nums.) Farking Icehole!!! After a little coercion on my part he settles in and naps next to me on the bed.  Good kitty.
• 7 - 7:15 I force myself to rise and hit the bathroom to get the washing and primping  completed. (There's this guy at work who thinks taking showers two days in a row is a waste of water.  Ewwww!  I don't like him anyway and stay clear of him... about 500 feet clear.)
• 7:30 - I arrived at the kitchen whining at the cat that I don't want to go to work.  He doesn't give a shit.  He told me to shut the Frank up bitch and feed me.  Where's the love?
• Shortly thereafter, I'm on the road and arrive at work a few minutes before 8 a.m. sans any fiery car crashes.
  
• I stop at the cafeteria and drop off a sampling of my Hellfire Famous homemade Buffalo Chicken Chili that I made last night.  The cafeteria ladies feed me and sometimes I feed them.  The one has promised me some Guatemalan tostada thing tomorrow.  Can't wait.
• 8:15 - With coffee and breakfast in hand, I'm ready to take on the Monday morning challenges.
• 8:30 - The bane of my professional existence and arch nemesis arrives. My day has just been ruined.  It's all downhill from here, folks.
• Around 9:30 I take a short break to speak to an adorable young lady in customer service. If I was 20 years younger, filthy rich, and handsome and she was desperate and/or crazy, I'd make her mine.  Of course, I'm old enough to be her father, but you know how that is.  So what!  Don't judge me.
• 10:30 - The Arch Nemesis (A. N.) sends me a coded email.  I call it coded because I never understand what the hell she's talking about.  It's not me.  A lot of people think she's totally out there.  I gave my usual condescending snarky reply.  And in seconds A.N. is in my office making accusations and comments about why I treat here so bad, blah, blah, blah...booooo-hoooo!  This individual has been the cause of much of my career pain the past six years she's worked here.  She should just die or retire for chrissakes.  If stupidity was an Olympic event, she'd take gold.
• Back to crunching numbers, analyzing entries, creating life (Fixed Assets), creating reports, building spreadsheets and putting out figurative fires blissfully until 12:30. 
• LUNCH!!!  I run downstairs to the area that passes as our cafeteria.  Today's lunch is a hot dog with a small baked potato soup for around 5 bucks.  And a free pretzel.  This company's idea (probably HR, they're all idiots) of employee motivation and reward is free unhealthy food.  It's no wonder the second floor is beginning to sag.  One day the floor is going to give under all that weight and kill everyone on the first floor.  If you would take all the women on the 2nd floor (women out number the men 10 to 1 and the men generally are slimmer) stood them in a field, half would be mistaken for cattle; the other half for scarecrows because of the sticks up their asses.
• Back to my office with my heart healthy meal. Yeah, I know what I said.  Fark you, don't judge me.  I scarf down lunch and am back to work. No time for a decent break.  Too much shit hitting the proverbial metaphorical figurative fan.
• 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. - Serving the Dark Overlords.  Doing their bidding and fanning Hell's fires. In other words, more of what I was doing this morning.
• 2 p.m. - Da Boss informs me that the piss-colored MIS testing sheets need to be completed and turned in today.  Great!  Let's just heap one more thing onto Daddy Tom's overflowing plateful of maggots and cockroaches.  Yum! (MIS is computer tech department. Envision a 3 Stooges short.  Multiply by 10 and that's our MIS department.)
• 2:30 - Knocked that assignment out of the park.  Now completing an overdue analysis due to our tax department.  A bunch of overpaid Prima Donnas.
• 3:00 - Coffee and apple break.  The apple is the one healthy thing I eat all day.  Stop judging me, you pricks.
• It's now smooth sailing for the rest of the day. 
• 3:15 - Need to tweak and reprint parts of 3 reports.  SHIT!!!!
  
• 4:00 - Now....it's smooth sailing until the foreman pulls the bird's tail and it's Yabba-dabba-do time to go home.  I spend the next hour and a half building spreadsheets, creating assets, burning bridges, ogling the paltry number of pretty girls this company has to offer and then it's 5:30.
• I'm in the Jeep.  The top is open and I'm cruising home.
• 5:45 - Home, sweet hovel.  Feed the cat.
  
• 6:00 - Crack open a beverage.  Steam then broil the hot Italian sausages.  Get the water on for the pasta.  It's nearly chowtime.
• 7:00 - Dinner is eaten and tonight's blogging has begun.
• 9:00 - Proofread and post this blog.
• Spend the next two hours reading "A Game of Thrones" before bedtime.
• And then we get up and do it all over again tomorrow.

Faaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhkkk!  Kill me now.


Tomorrow's tale: Day 16 - something I miss